


Clearest Blue

by Drippin_w_alchemy



Series: Either/Or [2]
Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Book Spoilers, College, M/M, Pining, Summer, spierfeld
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-14 20:14:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14143680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drippin_w_alchemy/pseuds/Drippin_w_alchemy
Summary: Simon helps Bram pack for their upcoming weekend at the lake. Simon and Bram enjoy each others company and the little things they're going to miss when they head off to college.Canon compliant with Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda.CHVRCHES - Clearest Blue:YouTube





	Clearest Blue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all, here's another entry into my series on life after high school for Simon and friends. Warning, there's some discussion of the Pulse night club shooting in here, without any graphic depictions, but wanted to throw it out there for those who are having a hard time given the continuation of gun violence in the US. 
> 
> Hope you like it! :)

I’m sitting on Bram’s bed scrolling twitter as he’s throwing clothes into a duffle from his closet. Leah’s posted an article discussing rhetoric around the Pulse nightclub shooter and I close my phone and toss it at a pillow. Sometimes I wonder if the world was this screwed up before I came out, or if coming out just made me aware of how hard everybody else has it (probably the latter, that’s a messed up way to think even for me). My social media has been unmanageable since the shooting earlier this week, everyone posting thoughts and prayers and rainbows in all corners of the internet just makes my stomach twist. So many peripheral friends and family members have sent me texts saying how much they love me since it happened. _It shouldn’t take a mass murder to make you realize I’m a person with a life worth losing_ I think, but I would never say that out loud, except to Bram who at this point I can just vent to and feel relief with nothing more than a side look.

“More opinions no one asked for?” Bram pears out from his closet door.

“It’s just a lot, am I a bad person for wanting my timeline to go back to buzzfeed quizzes about which _Sense8_ character I am?” I whine.

“Babe we already know you’re Riley we’ve been through this.” Bram teases.

“That quiz was RIGGED! What do I have in common with an Icelandic DJ? I’ve never even dyed my hair!” I shout. “Clearly I’m the Mexican actor! The leading man? A big secret he overcomes for love? A super hot PhD level genius boyfriend? That’s me!”

“I appreciate the flattery but you were dealt the cards you were dealt, you know more about music than anyone I know!” Bram says from the closet.

“You’re just placating me because you got the cool Korean fighter girl” I say sulkingly.

Bram peeks out from the closet again, “I don’t think you’re a bad person, it’s exhausting, the constant pointing of fingers and lack of real change,” he says poignantly. “But think how hard this must be for people who have lived through mass shootings? To re-experience this horror minute by minute, all for some likes so people can build a ‘woke’ brand? I hate it too babe, but we’re still here and we owe it to everyone affected by this to stay informed so we can move forward.”

Bram pops his head back in his closet and opens his sock drawer, nonchalantly throwing socks and his swim suit into his bag. Everytime he does something like this, pulls the most freaking poised response to my rant about _twitter_ out of thin air I have to stop and run through our relationship, how this is real, how we got here. How I have been with someone as thoughtful and selfless and _smart_ as him for two years is still something I can’t wrap my head around, maybe I never will. The corners of my mouth curl up.

“I love you and your surprise life lessons you know” I say.

“I love you too Si” Bram says popping the top of his head out from around his closet door, just so I can see those soft eyes of his. “Do you know where your, er _my_ Emory sweatshirt is?”

When Bram and I decided we were going to different colleges, I bought him a sweatshirt for him to wear until we had to leave. I got him one from Emory, so when I start there next year I’ll have something cozy to wrap myself up in that smells like him. I’ve forbidden him to wash it, and so far so good but even if it becomes full of his soccer sweat I don’t know that I could ever bring myself to even _think_ about cleaning it. Bram of course got in everywhere he applied, he even got a bunch of scholarships to play soccer in college and for a long time he had talked about going to the University of Georgia with Nick to play soccer there. It actually became kind of a thing though because Bram says that going to college on a soccer scholarship feels wrong, he didn’t want to feel like all he was bringing to the table as a black freshman was athleticism, he wanted to be seen as more than that. I get that, I really do, but it’s hard for me to think about how anyone can see him as anything other than all around incredible. He’s a big brother now though, and said he wanted to make sure he was setting a precedent, it’s unreal how effortlessly he thinks about how his actions affect others. After he told me about the academic scholarship he got from the University of North Carolina I couldn’t do anything but smile and encourage him to do it. I can’t bring myself to tell him I cried about it every night for weeks, it still wells up sometimes.

“Yeah it’s right here” I say, pulling it out from under me. I had been checking to make sure it was starting to smell like him, I’m pleased with the progress but we have a long way to go.

“OK so,” Bram says grabbing the sweatshirt, “I’ve got campfire clothes, stuff to sleep in, a swimsuit, and a bunch of Oreos. Am I forgetting anything?”

“Eh hem” I clear my throat and motion towards his bookshelf.

Bram smiles and walks over, grabbing a copy of _East of Eden_ off the shelf.

“I will never get over the fact that my Dad gave me this” Bram says and opens the book. Inside, a hollowed out area with a pack of condoms and some lube.

Bram’s Dad for his birthday this year gave him this huge ridiculous Steinbeck book with a secret cut out inside and a note saying “Make sure you’re taking study breaks :)”. While that was as mortifying as it sounds, it’s been a lifesaver when it comes to keeping Bram’s Mom off our trail.

“Isn’t that book like, about Jesus?” I say sitting up on Bram’s bed. “Do you think your Dad did that on purpose? As a way to stick it to the church?”

“Maybe” Bram laughs. “I think it might of just been the thickest book he could find, but I’m sure there’s some hidden agenda there, supporting his jewish gay son.” He walks up to me and gives me a quick kiss, and spins around, fakes a soccer punt and drops the condoms in his bag. “OK now we’re ready.”

“As ever!” I say as ridiculously loud as I can and suddenly Bram’s on top of me holding his hand over my mouth. I can’t help but start to belly laugh.

“Simon!” Bram scream whispers grinning in my ear. “You know my Mom was on call last night, don’t wake her up I don’t want to chance her revoking my weekend privileges.”

Bram’s skin is salty and I can feel him shifting his grip on my mouth.

“Don’t mess this weekend up for me Spier I’ve got big plans.” Bram says and turns my head towards his, replacing his hand with his lips.

“Oh yeah?” I say coyly, pulling my head towards his cheek. “Well that makes two of us.”

“Tell me what you have in mind.” Bram says, slinking back onto his bed, brushing the hem of his shirt up just enough so I can see a sliver of the skin above his waistband showing.

“Well…” I let on. “I was thinking we can _finally_ watch all those horror movies I’ve been BEGGING you to hold my hand through!”

Bram smacks me with a pillow and I’m on the ground. “Simon!” Bram shouts, albeit just above a whisper still, leave it to him to never lose his cool. “One, you CANNOT tease me like that and two, I am not watching _The Shining_ at a cabin in the middle of the woods with you!”

“But think about the _aesthetic_ ” I whine. Bram winds up to smack me with his pillow again and I roll away, halting our antics cause my phone starts to ring. “Ugh it’s my Mom” I say, silencing my phone. “I should probably get going, she wants us to all have dinner together since I’m not going to be home for the next three days.”

“She’s still pushing this family time thing pretty hard huh?” Brams asks.

Ever since graduation my Mom and Dad have been double and triple checking all these normal family plans we have always just _done_ together. Dinner every night, watching the Bachelor, stuff that has just happened in the past now is almost scheduled so no one misses it. I know they’re trying to soak up time with me, but I’m only going to be a few highway exits away. I don’t know, maybe everyone’s as bad at change as I am.

“Yeah it’s still a huge deal,” I say. “Nora missed dinner once last week cause her phone was off at band practice and you would think she had run away from home my Mom was so beside herself” I say with a scoff.

“OK, well text me when you get home?” Bram says standing up and grabbing my arm.

“Duh” I reply planting a kiss on Bram’s forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” I turn to grab my keys.

“No way Spier,” Bram says spinning me back around, “Give me a real one or I’ll hold you captive” he says with a grin. “I’m not afraid of your Mom.”

“Yes you are!” I say with a snort.

“OK fine, but like a healthy fear, a respectful and loving one.” Bram says smiling. I kiss him and he inhales slowly, but not on purpose, only because he couldn’t gasp cause his mouth was busy with mine. I pull away and he sighs.

“I love you Si” Bram says, his eyes looking at all these different parts of me at once. The parts that get scared by what’s out there, outside his bedroom, outside Shady Creek. The parts that like weird Netflix shows and Oreos and sex with him. The parts he’s helped me discover and the parts he hasn’t seen yet but still gets excited to meet. I’m feeling that feeling again, the one I felt on Leah’s porch last week. I think the best name I’ve come up for it is nostalgia, but for something that hasn’t ended yet, something that I’m still living in.

“I love you too B” I say, brushing my cheek past his as I go in for a hug. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I pull out of his hug and head downstairs, picking up my pace as I make it to the bottom banister, something’s happening and suddenly my eyes are out of focus and my face is hot, hotter than it should be even though it’s Georgia in June. I’m crying, but I’m not sobbing or wretching or struggling to catch my breath I’m just running out of my boyfriends house with tears streaming down my freaking face. God I hope he didn’t see me start to cry. I get in my car and throw on Chvrches, hoping they can help take me somewhere else. A place where every time I have to say goodbye to my boyfriend I don’t have a meltdown thinking about an ending that isn’t even real yet.

I pull up to my house and put the car in park, sitting in the driver’s seat a little longer, waiting for the song to end. I don’t think my eyes look too red, maybe I can shower quick before dinner so no one notices I’ve been crying. That’s sure to bring about some suspicion from my Mom, she’ll probably think I’m trying to cover up sex hair or something. _God why do my parents have to be so attentive_ , I think and I can hear how ridiculous I sound.

My phone pings and I’ve got a text from Bram.

Bram: _Hey babe, I can’t wait for tomorrow, maybe if you promise to hold me extra tight I’ll THINK about watching a scary movie with you, but I probably won’t be able to sleep much afterwards so you’ll need to think of some late night activities for us ;)_

That horrible iPhone ellipse pops up and Bram’s sent me another text.

Bram: _PS here’s a preview for this weekend_

Bram’s sent me a mirror photo of him wearing my Emory sweatshirt and these ridiculously amazing Harry Potter boxers.

“From the senior party!” I exclaim and I start to crack a smile and can’t believe how freaking adorable he is.

_Thanks babe, I just got home. You’re such a dork, I’m gonna get to work on our playlist for tomorrow, do NOT forget those boxers ;)_

I look up at my rearview mirror and my eyes aren’t puffy anymore. Getting out of my car I start to brainstorm all the songs I want to remember this weekend by. Bram’s inspired me in the goofy way only he can seem to do.


End file.
